Reflections on the Past, Part 8:
	Family.  It is a word that holds little significance for me.  I have a
duty to Ashlin, and for that duty I would sacrifice everything else I hold
dear.  Friends, lovers...I have none.  They are nothing but pawns, useful in
a universe-spanning chess game, and easily discarded in pursuit of the larger
goal.
	And yet...I find comfort in some of these pawns.  I don't know if it's
possible for me to miss them in an emotional sense - the only sincere emotions
I feel these days are ones related to Ashlin or my guardianship.  But, I would
notice their absence.  Pleione, Madrak, and now Ariadne...they became part of
my life, and I had become used to their presence.  Despite my short stay in
Thule, I discovered that a small part of myself wanted to take Pleione with me.
She would be little help in confronting Coral and Rinaldo, yet I entertained
the notion briefly.  I cannot explain it as anything other than an emotional
response, and that disturbs me greatly.
	It's dangerous, forming emotional attachments.  The foes I face can, and
will, destroy entire Shadows.  You can't fight that sort of power unless you're
willing to do likewise.  I was chosen because I can kill without hesitation or
remorse.  Before, I did it for money.  Now, I do it for Ashlin, and his dream.
	Ariadne is something special to me.  She is the first person I have chosen
as an apprentice since Jasra's treachery.  I chose her in part because she is
my daughter, but there is no trace of nepotism in that decision.  I know her
background, her upbringing, and her heritage.  I chose my wives in Thule
well...though rebellious, Ariadne is more than capable.  My actions in Thule
have made her look upon me as a legendary figure.  If I can remain such in her
eyes until her training is complete, I will have a possible successor.
	I know I will die fufilling my duty to Ashlin.  No one wants to die, but I
have lived a long and full life.  When the time comes, I will sacrifice myself
for the future.  But I will not die meaninglessly, and there will be someone to
pick up where I leave off.  I believe that someone will be Ariadne.  I only
hope I survive long enough to prepare her.
	I have seen the signs of my demise.  The companions I garnered could prove
to be the death of me.  I have worked alone for so long...and even when I
worked with others, they were subordinates.  My companions were too independent,
and untried. Madrak, Sunfall, and Rex proved themselves useful, but the others
were useless.  Sean is a good fighter, but showed himself to be both a spy for
Rinaldo and easily distracted by his hormones.  Jeanette had little knowledge of
weaponry, and I believe she felt more than a casual interest in Sunfall - or at
least a desire to impress her.  Reed has proven that he should not be allowed to
speak to anyone directly, as his technical jargon nearly alienated Menelius.  He
also seems to be a spy for Rinaldo, and I grew increasingly suspicious about his
'readings'.  Allyna's Trumps proved useful,  but she was too willing to
interrupt me during important discussions.  Had she been silent during the talk
with Clieto, I may have been able to get more with less revealed to the others.
As for those Rex brought with him...I tolerated them only because it seemed to
please Rex.  The one called Aranor was a particular annoyance...his use of
power on the boat could have caused me to lose control of the Flaw.
	My journey to Thule was a victory, but it cost me dearly.  Madrak was lost
to the Horse of Lir and believed dead.  Once again I was forced to push myself
to the limit and beyond, because only Rex was both willing and able to help me.
Clieto is dead, and though I believe I handled the situation well, her
continued existence would have done much to keep Thule under control in my
absence.  Other than maintaining the status quo in Thule, my only gain was
Ariadne.  Time would tell whether bringing her along was the right choice.
	They are nothing more than pieces on a game board.  But I don't always get
to choose which I sacrifice.  When Madrak was lost, I felt that I had
sacrificed a rook to save a pawn.  My only hope was that I could turn the pawn
Ariadne into a queen.